NEVER HURTS TO ASK

Countdown to payday.

Picking old parka pockets.  Checking couch cushions for coins.

Bupkus.

Heavy sigh.


Grabbing my Mattel's Magic 8 Ball off the bookshelf (the 8 facing up), I close my eyes and ask a question of the watery blue powers that be.

Will I ever win the lottery?

Turning the bewitching black orb over slowly (never shake the Magic 8 Ball)...

"Outlook Good."

Hmm.

Feelin' lucky. Need to be more specific.

Will I win the Mega Millions?


"Most Likely."

Wow.  Need to be even more specific.  House payment due frightfully soon.

Will I win the Mega Millions Friday night?

"As I See It, Yes."

Are you serious?

"My Reply Is No."

Oh, make up your mysterious mind.

Back in the sixth grade, of course, I asked about important sixth-grade things.

"Does Don like me?"

"Outlook Not So Good" was the usual  -- and, as it turned out, brutally correct -- prediction when it came to Don and other matters of the early adolescent heart.

Romantic predictions during the high school years were equally dismal and spot on as well.

Is Bob ever going to ask me to Moeller's prom?

"Very Doubtful."

But he declared his undying love for me in a poem.  He does love me, doesn't he?

"My Sources Say No."

Are you saying Bob is a low-down weasel?

"It Is Decidedly So."

As fate would have it, Bob never did invite me to his prom, dropped me like a hot potato and immediately began dating someone else. Coincidence? I think not.

Just joking.

Obviously, the Magic 8 Ball is just a bunch of silly hocus pocus.

And yet, although many moons have passed since those adolescent/high school years, the Magic 8 Ball  continues to captivate my speculative inner child.

I am not alone, by the way. Several of my co-workers have been known to consult the soothsaying sphere regarding a variety of daily issues.

Sure, it's nothing but make-believe mumbo-jumbo...but just in case...I mean, what if...

Oh, Magic 8 Ball, are you sure I'm not gonna win the Mega Millions Friday night?

"YES! POSITIVE! NOW GET YOUR BUTT TO WORK BEFORE YOU END UP LOSING YOUR JOB AND LIVNG UNDER A TRAIN TESTLE."

Buzz kill.

"I Heard That."

Oy.