DRAGGING SEXY BACK

Who has time for sexy?

Dear Suzanne Somers:

Congratulations on your new book, "Sexy Forever: How To Fight Fat After 40".

I must say that after all these many years, you still look like Chrissy from  your "Three's Company" days, so you apparently know what you are writing about.

And, I will admit, being well over the age of 40, I was sorely tempted to check out your on-line Sexy Forever diet plan that those clever ever-scanning adbots posted in my Facebook sidebar.

I mean, who doesn't want to stay sexy forever? That assumes, of course, that one is already/still sexy and is striving to maintain one's sexiness.

But does your plan work for someone like moi?

At best, I'm looking at bringin' sexy back...more like hauling, really. Dragging. Screaming and kicking.  If, indeed, I was ever sexy at all.

And if I was, is there even enough time to recapture my former sexy self?

I'm 54, for cryin' out loud.  Like sands through my hour-glass shaped three-minute egg timer, so are the remaining days of my life...

So do I really care about achieving an alluring hour-glass shaped figure at this point?

Hell, no.  I just want to lose the two pant sizes I've gained since the summer.  Maybe three. Four would be nice. But I would gladly settle for two.

So, thanks, but no thanks, Suz.  I'm gonna pass on your latest book/diet plan. As it is, your earlier book, "Eat Great, Lose Weight" remains unread and under my bed collecting dust. (Actually, the book belongs to my friend Janet who moved away a few years back. Janet, if you are reading this, it's in the mail.)

Now, Suzanne, darling, if you ever write a book called "Motivation-Less Forever: How To Fight Fat At 54 When You Sit  At A Computer All Day Every Day Ordering TVS For A Living And You Went To The Gym To Workout Last Night And The Older Gal Jogging On The Treadmill Next To You Breaking Nary A Bead Of Sweat Made You Feel Like Giving Up At The Get-Go Cuz You Could Barely Breathe Walking One Mile Per Hour", call me. I might be interested.

Besides, I must confess, I'm still trying to figure out how to follow Dr. Oz's 11-week Move It and Lose It Challenge that I signed up for two weeks ago. Yes, I finally got my login/account info, but when I tried to access my account, it said I did not exist.

Pfft.

Rejection always makes me hungry.  Going for the chocolate now.

Yours Truly,

Annie