With all due apologies to Bill Shakespeare, of course...Yes, I know, it's "winter of our discontent" (I actually was paying attention in Candy Finger's English/Lit class back in the day (and yes, her name was really Candy Finger).
It's just that as my current old-age malady -- ringing in the left ear -- continues to worsen (think Bells of St. Mary) I can't hear worth crap.
If you are not standing right in front of me while you speak so that I can read your lips, "discontent" truly sounds like "discotheque".
If I sleep on my side with my good ear to the pillow (bad ear up), I can't hear my alarm clock go off on the bedside table right next to me. However, if I sleep on my side with my bad ear to the pillow, good ear up, Holy Cow (think 1812 Overture)!
At work, with my headset adorning my ever-graying head, I have to sometimes close my eyes and push the earpiece tight to my ear so that I can concentrate on what the person on the other line is saying.
Suddenly, my life is like one long round of Mad Gab -- you know, that game where one person reads a group of simple words like, "Yore Luke Ink Hood" and then tries to quick-like-a-bunny figure out what they're really saying..."You're Looking Good".
And in this economy, who can afford an ear horn?
So I bought a bottle of Ring Out Drops or Ring Ease or some such concoction at Walgreens last night. It's supposed to help reduce ringing in one's ear...
That was all part of our exciting evening out on the town -- our first Friday night out in many a moon...first a trip to Walgreens to buy ear ringing medicine, then to the theater to see that sure-to-be-an-Oscar-winner movie "Mall Cop" (it was the perfect mindless pastime for two old farts), and then on to Wally World where we tiredly trudged about the aisles, picking up sinus douche (that's what I call it) for John, and under-eye circle concealer for me.
It don't get any better than that.
Yup.
Here's to old age. Tinnitus kinda special.
Ba-da-bump.
2 comments:
Blogger chick: Been a while, but I've been traveling (buddy holly/big bopper tribute to the day the music died) and stumbled across your new posts. Shakespere meets Donna Summer - now there's a million dollar idea for a baby boomer product. Throw in some sinus douche for good measure and you've got yourself an R-rated classic!!!
Candy Finger - didn't she have a couple of sisters -- I think I knew Middle Finger (ba-da-bump back at ya) I wouldn't recommend googling Candy - that's the kind of search that raises eyebrows at the county library and will shut you down quicker than you can say persian kitty - don't google that either!!!
Keep up the good work, blogger chick. Always good for a chuckle or a laugh
Billy
Billy!
Was wondering where you had been...So you were at The Surf? I was there once, but for a Hog Summit -- met Robert Kennedy Jr.
I hear ya on the Googling...LOL
Thanks for stopping by!
Post a Comment