"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." ~ Gilda Radner

Thursday, January 01, 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR! AND PLEASE PASS THE LIGHT SOY MILK

After a rousing New Year's Eve spent sleeping, I have greeted 2009 with my usual list of self-improvement goals.

In fact,  I just returned from Wal-Mart where I stocked up on yogurt, Weight Watchers frozen entrees, bottled water, Special K, light soy milk...yes, my "look like Jennifer Aniston by June" wedding diet has officially begun. ( I used to want to return to looking like Meg Ryan, but since she had her facelift/botox injections, or whatever weird things she had done to her face, I'm steering clear of her.)

Also, to ring in the new year, I toyed with the idea of buying one of those dry erase calendars for the kitchen in a resolute attempt to organize the fam... and then thought better of it. Why start now? Bought a journal instead...a food journal it will be...

I also bought one of those expandable files to organize bills and other important papers.

A new year, a clean slate. Another chance to better myself.

This is the year I take control of my life.

Hey, don't snicker.  I know I've vowed to do that for the past, oh, gazillion years. But this time I mean it, damn it!  

And I need to give up swearing...again.

I gave up soap operas for Lent when Daniel was just a pup, and I gave up swearing soon after. But then I wound up back in the newspaper biz several years back and voila!  Swearing reared its ugly head once more. I actually got reprimanded at work last year for swearing, using the "s" word...that was a humbling experience...

Now I mutter "Shittake mushrooms" when I am stressed at work -- but I'm not fooling anybody...

Anyway...I exercised this morning with Leslie Sansone...swollen bruised  toe and all.  It about killed me. But I kept on.

And I just enjoyed a cup of light soy milk...

Shittake mushrooms, I've got my work cut out for me....

But Michael, Linda, if you are reading this...please know that my earlier blog decrying my figure and my lack of enthusiasm for getting in shape yet again was in no way a suggestion that I would even remotely entertain the idea of not showing up for the wedding if I don't look like Jen by the time I hop on that plane.

I'll be there! With bells on! Unless you prefer I leave my bells at home...ba-da-bump.

Just be sure to have plenty of Special K protein water and carrot chips on hand...or a pitcher of Cosmopolitans -- whichever comes first. Just think...had I been drinking water at YOUR wedding instead of 7/7s, my darlings, I never would have ended up being hosed down at the car wash...

Smooches and hugs! And Happy New Year!

3 comments:

Mike said...

Wow! It's a real relief knowing you will be at the wedding. However, I must make a couple of comments on your Happy New Year blog.

First, I was deeply hurt that you would spread vicious rumors regarding Meg. Ok, so maybe she went to the drug store and purchased some anti-wrinkle cream...but everyone knows she is just aging gracefully and would never stoop so low as to have 'work' done. And I promise, if you arrive for the wedding looking like Meg, I will have to ask my significant other to leave the house for a few minutes. (Yes, only a few!)

As for aspiring to Jen, I am very surprised at you dear Annie. Let's be real. If she can't hang on to Brad, can she possibly have that much to offer. Now, don't you feel bad. Meg - Jen; Meg - Jen. Surely the choice is clear. I am confident that now that I have set you straight, you can actually see Meg with that white mustache on the giant billboard saying, "Got Light Soy Milk?"

By the way, just in case you were thinking of dissing Sandra (Bullock) next, you better think twice. I hear she is a real Slim-Fast fan. What's Jen got?...One Conservative Neck Tie! I wouldn't be surprised if Jen voted for McCain-Palin!

See you in the funny papers!

annie said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

Oh, my ol' pool buddy, you are toooooo funny! I will have some sort of retort for you later this evening after Sonny Boy nods off into teenage dreamland.

:)

Annie said...

Oh, and one more thing, Michael....have you read my earlier blog about Meg? Check out Sept. 24, 2008, "Meg, Mavis and Me". And did you see her in the movie, "The Women?" Duck lips, baby. Ick. And she was so beautiful already....a crying shame. Anyway...more later!