"Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." ~ Gilda Radner

Saturday, June 23, 2012


It sometimes happens to the best of long-time couples.

After decades of constant togetherness and sharing practically every aspect of their daily lives, for reasons known only to them, they call it quits. And everyone who knows them is shocked. Can't imagine why, after so many years, they just could no longer get along.

And so it is, apparently, with Bibi and Poldi, two 115-year-old giant turtles (mates for most of their lives) who just recently had to be placed in separate living quarters at the zoo in Klagenfurt, Austria, where they had once lived so happily together.

The breakup has left zookeepers shaking their heads, wondering what the heck went awry in what may have been the world's longest animal "marriage".

From what I've read, it wasn't merely a case of  "Honey, it's not you, it's me".  Oh, no. Seems they were apparently in danger of killing each other. Guess Bibi, the female, took a chunk out of her mate's shell. Go figure.

"We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other," zoo keeper Helga Happ was quoted as saying.

That'll happen.

Zoo officials, of course, can only speculate since Bibi and Poldi aren't saying much. But they surmise that the tortoise-shelled duo, after more  than a century of 24/7 companionship, just needed their own spaces.

The fact is, every woman needs a room of her own; every man a man cave. It just makes good relationship sense.

Kudos to Bibi and Poldi for hanging in there for more than 100 years, I might add. Yowsa.

There's always the possibility, of course, that there was more to their breakup than a dire need for time apart. Who knows. Maybe Bibi grew tired of Poldi staring at the TV in their shared enclosure... her attempts at making conversation with Poldi -- her hopes of somehow staying emotionally connected after more than a century -- dashed with his snappy retort, "Shhh, Pawn Stars is on" one too many times. Or, "Gawd, Bibi, after 115 years together you know I hate small talk."

And maybe Poldi, poor Poldi, couldn't understand why his dislike for conversation coupled with Bibi's drop in female hormones after she turned 50 (like 65 years ago) made her a bit, shall we say, standoffish.  Less likely to do the dance of the seven shells, as it were.

Maybe if Poldi had asked Bibi to go for a romantic lumber through their shared enclosure now and then, or maybe if Bibi had sought hormone replacement therapy, they'd still be in love. But hey, even tortoise hindsight is always 20/20.

I don't think we will ever really know what finally drove Bibi to to go ninja on Poldi and take that chunk out of his shell.

Since the split, zookeepers have tried everything to get those two back together, including tortoise aphrodisiacs (seriously?) and counseling , but to no avail thus far. Has anyone called Dr. Phil?  Might be worth a shot.

Or maybe the zookeepers are trying too hard. After 115 years side by side, haven't Bibi and Poldi each earned a little "me" time?

Picture it, if you will...Poldi, perfectly content, holed up in his turtle man cave, watching a Pawn Stars marathon on the giant flat screen, throwin' back a couple brewskies, while Bibi is out with her girlfriends gleefully slurping martinis and discussing 50 Shades of Grey.

Is that so wrong?

Maybe this separation will do Bibi and Poldi a world of good.

And they're such a cute couple...

I wish them well.

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