HER birthday is in two days.
Yes, Friday, March 9, is the official birthday of everyone's favorite fashion doll. Well, almost everyone's favorite...
Let's give it up for my nemesis, Barbie! She'll be 53.
Two years younger than me.
I have never liked Barbie.
My late mother, God rest her soul, must not have liked Barbie either cuz she never bought me one. Not one.
Oh, I had a Little Miss Revlon doll -- a hand-me-down from my older sis. And a Babette doll -- the cheap dime store store version of Barbie.
And I had a Tressy and a Francie -- all Barbie wannabes.
But no Barbie. Until I was 30, when my good friend Linda surprised me with my first Barbie.
I stuck her in the attic, where my son discovered her when he was four.
There sat Barbie, donned in a tight-fitting sparkling red party dress and matching red plastic high heels. She was a bit dusty, perhaps, but really no worse for the wear. Still sexy and she knew it.
"Mommy, her eyes are blue like water!"
Yeah, yeah. Whatev.
Did you know that Barbie's full name is Barbra Millicent Roberts? Millicent? Really? Probably votes Republican. Maybe someone will introduce her to the newest action figures on the block: Republican presidential candidates Rick, Mitt and Newt.
Ricky is really rockin' that sweater vest. Mittens looks his usual rich/plastic self. And Newt, dear Newt...love the disheveled womanizer/crooked tie ensemb.
Personally, I'd go for the Barack Obama Seal Team 6 action figure. Talk about swagger.
A little known Barbie fact: Throughout her perfect Dream House life, Barbie has had more than 40 pets, including cats, dogs, horses, a panda, a lion cub, a zebra. And Ken.
The always-perky fashion queen has also driven a wide range of vehicles, including pink Corvette convertibles, trailers and jeeps. She holds a pilot's license and operates commercial airliners in addition to serving as a flight attendant. I'm thinkin' she's also been an astronaut and a doctor.
How DOES she do it? Especially at her, ahem, advancing age?
Time for 5-Hour Energy Barbie, perhaps?