FAST AWAY THE OLD YEAR PASSES

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA....

Etc., Etc.

Yes, it's another exciting New Year's Eve at our house...in a few minutes we are going downstairs to that hellhole we call a basement and start going through the gazillion totes that contain the remnants of our lives.

In other words, we are spending New Year's Eve cleaning the basement.

Can you think of anything more fun than that to ring out the old year?

Now, I am not the first to consider cleaning out the old to welcome in the new...I have a friend who every New Year's Eve cleans out his closets. That's his tradition. And that may very well explain why said friend's wife left him a few years back...

But I digress.

To be fair, there is something to be said for starting the New Year off clean and organized...why, just last night we cleaned the oven, the refrigerator and the kitchen floor -- and I even made sure to change the kitty litter...we all got new undies and socks for Christmas, and the dog is sporting her new "diamond" studded collar and matching leash...and there are crisp, white flour sack dish towels in the kitchen drawer...

Dear God, could my life be any more boring?

Anyway...

I suppose we could have gone to the fire department's dinner and dance at the community building tonight...but since I've eaten my way to outer Slabovia and back since starting my new, somewhat stressful job, my jeans are a tad tight and I really don't feel like dancing.

Which leads me to the next New Year's tradition -- resolutions.

Yes, of course I will be dieting in 2008 -- has there ever been a year I haven't had to lose weight?

Oy.

And I always vow to be more organized.

I'll never forget the Christmas John gave the book Becoming Organized Based on the Proverbs 31 Woman or something equally as ridiculous.

Hand me another glass of wine, would you dear?

Thanks.

Anyway, where was I?

Ah, yes, New Year's Eve. The night I imagine everyone in the world but me having a splendiferous time, dressed to the nines, kicking up their heels...and I'm at home, too tired to even stay up along enough to watch the ball drop.

Of course, even staying up to watch the ball drop is a bit of a yawner because when the ball drops on Times Square, it's only 11 o'clock in Iowa.

That always reminds me of the New Year's Eve back in the day when my Sis and I were single and dateless and living in Davenport and had nothing to do but don party hats and clang pots and pans together at midnight -- Iowa time -- from her apartment balcony.

Another glass of wine, dear. Please. Hurry.

Thanks.

Let's see, where was I?

That's ranks right up there with the New Year's Eve my senior year in high school when I dropped my zit concealer in the toilet while freshening up in the host's bathroom just moments before midnight. I was so busy trying to fish the little metal cosmetic container out of the toilet, I missed midnight completely.

Good times, good times.

Well, those totes are a callin'....

Cheers!