HEAT RAVE

So, out of desperation for a little relief from my Boeke/Willenborg Wedding Dance Rotator Cuff Injury that after two months still plagues my right arm (apparently, at my age, you CAN push too many fist pumps up over your head while busting moves for five hours straight), I recently bought a box of ThermaCare heat wraps.  You know...those disc-filled hand-warmer-like things...the ones specifically designed for relaxing tight muscles in one's neck, wrist and shoulder.

I happened to be working the stress-invoking Tuesday "Pre-Bingo Night" crowd at The Fro (our pet name for Frohlich's, our local corner market) and my arm,  my grocery scanning/schlepping arm, was sore and tired.

Hungry for something to do other than ring up  lottery tickets, broasted chicken and other assorted snacks for the Bingo regulars, I decided to read the back of the ThermaCare box. (Don't hate me because my life is just that exciting.)

"WARNING: THIS PRODUCT CAN CAUSE BURNS..."

Yeah, yeah...

"55 OR OLDER:  YOUR RISK OF BURNING INCREASES AS YOU AGE. IF YOU ARE 55 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER DO NOT USE DURING SLEEP."

What? Seriously? Why is 55 the magic/you are suddenly frail and pre-disposed to burns age?  Don't tell ME I can't snooze with one of these babies on. My freakin' shoulder hurts."


Grumbling as I slowly slid the dangerous ThermaCare tinderbox back up on the top shelf (wincing just a tish due to my injured arm's decreased range of motion and my slightly arthritic hand) the box of ThermaCare Menstrual CrampRelief heat wraps suddenly caught  my eye.

Lord knows I'd spent a fortune on THOSE back in my pre-menopausal days...(One upside to being 55...good riddance to all things menstrual cramp-related).

Suddenly, my curiosity was aroused..."I wonder..." I muttered aloud as I flipped over the Menstrual Cramp Relief heat wrap box and began to read...

"55 OR OLDER:YOUR RISK OF BURNING INCREASES AS YOU AGE. IF YOU ARE 55 YEARS OF AGE OR OLDER DO NOT USE DURING SLEEP."

I literally LOL'd.

Pardon me, ladies, but if you're 55 or older and still suffering from menstrual cramps, you may have bigger issues at hand than the risk of a burn from these heat wraps during sleep.

Just sayin'.