MEG, MAVIS AND ME

If eyes are, indeed, the windows to our souls, my "windows" are in dire need of a little putty, a little paint.

Hence, at almost 52 freaking years old, I have, alas, given in to the anti-aging makeup miracle mavens who hawk all that "get rid of wrinkles and lines and puffiness" crap.

It's not so much the laugh lines that I am trying to get rid of as the general, overall droopy, dark baggy look that greets me most mornings as I peer into my mirror.

Yikes!

What ever happened to the Meg Ryan look-alike that used to turn heads at the Cedar Falls, Iowa Happy Chef and the Cincinnati airport? What? Waddya mean that was 20 years ago? So?

I just saw Meg Ryan in the chick flick, "The Women" and by goddy, she doesn't look a day older than she did back when she made "When Harry Met Sally"two decades ago. How the hell does she do it? Oh, yeah -- she's had "work" done. Take a gander at her lips -- a bad Botox job? Too tight a pull? I dunno.

But her eyes look freaking fantastic -- still. And she is only a few years younger than moi.

Maybe it's from sitting at this freaking computer 8-10 hours a day at my very stressfull job as an electronics warranty service coordinator wearing Wal-Mart cheaters (my damn dog ate my REAL glasses/bi-focals two years ago....). Maybe it's from not getting enough sleep. Maybe it's from too much sleep. Maybe it's just because I am so damn old.

Hard to say.

All I know is that for the past several weeks I have invested heavily in a vast array of anti-aging eye products -- all sort of lotions, potions, creams -- and my favorite, the Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew Anti-Puff Eye Roller -- in an effort to make my aging eyes look young again.

The eye roller consists of a tiny, little metal roller ball which you, obviously, roll under your eyes...it offers a great cooling sensation -- not unlike putting cold spoons on one's puffy eyes (or so it has been described. Of course, a couple of cold spoons would certainly be cheaper than purchasing the $12 eye roller...cucumbers or tea bags would probably have the same effect as well.

But I digress.

I usually follow the eye roller with an eyelift cream/eyelid gel, followed by some goop marketed as an "instant eye rejuvinator" cream...followed by highlighter/brightening liquid....and on and on....

It's a wonder I ever make it to work.

My husband swears it's working, that I am regaining that Meg Ryan youthful look about the eyes. But today, after a long night of no sleep (menopause? work? Wall Street? ) I asked him, point blank, "Do ya think the Garnier Nutritioniste anti-puffiness eye roller ball is working today? Do I look like Meg?"

"Um, well, maybe you ought to try Mavis," he said.

Mavis?

Then it hit me.

The other day, while perusing the local bargain shop, we happened upon a big ol' bowling ball with the name "Mavis" engraved on it.

"A couple of rolls across your eyes with the Mavis ball might do the trick today," he added.

LOL.

Hey, it might just work! And it's only a buck! Stick it in the fridge for a a minute or two...

Stay tuned...