I always have the best intentions at the beginning of each school year...I'm going to be more organized, hence, Daniel will be more organized.
Or, I will keep an activity calendar in the kitchen and fill it out religiously so we are not running around at the last minute trying to make it to school events on time...
Or, I will always stay caught up with the laundry so Daniel is not madly searching for matching socks at 8:15 in the a.m.
Well, here we are...the dawn of Daniel's junior year before us, and, alas...
I can't remember my log in and password for the school's on-line campus, nor find the scrap of paper on which I jotted it, and I've misplaced the order form for Crusader hoodies and T-shirts...and the orders have to be in by Friday...which I would put on my calendar if I had remembered to buy one but, of course, I didn't. And here it is 11:30 p.m., and I still have three loads of laundry to do...
I really did have good intentions for starting out this school year on the right foot...
But grief is exhausting. And mind-boggling. Even when you think you may possibly be healing, grief is there. Just hanging over the days and nights like a heavy yet invisible cloud shrouding the mind, the soul...
Yet, somehow, we all go on. Life demands it.
And so the new school year begins...
Daniel does have his book bag packed, and I actually had the presence of mind to order his college-credit on-line psychology class book from Amazon.com in plenty of time before the first class...he's got pencils, pens, a calculator, a binder, several college-ruled one-subject notebooks in various colors...
He's got a new shirt and jeans...he's got a nice haircut...
And he's got a giant, gaping hole in his heart, as do all Casey's friends who are preparing for their first day of school.
Yes, the hallways will be brimming with students, and yet there is sure to be an emptiness, a silence that will resound for all those who knew and loved Casey. He had an indescribable presence in the hallways, one mom said the other day. A personality bigger than life itself. And that infectious smile...
The first day of school will not be easy. Nor the second. Nor the third...
One school day at a time, kids. One school day at a time...
First lesson:
Left...right...left...right...left...right...breathe...
3 comments:
You are an amazing writer and captured what alot of those kids are probably feeling. The first day has got to be the hardest. Good luck to you all.
Diane
Annie, you are a joy and you got my day off to a great start. Love your writing and always have.
For the first time in many years, we aw not going thru the First Day of School thing or the preperation for Day One,seems kind of strange!!
That hole in the heart is something I would give anything to be able to close for you and your son, but I know that i cannot and that bums me a bit. But please know this, you are not walking alone, we will try and share the burden and try and give you a smile everynow and then. Love ya my dear, please be safe and take care I have got to get to Coon Rapids sometime and see ya . Again take care and tell John hi and keep writing. You are the best. Nick
Diane, Nick...
From everything I am reading on Facebook this afternoon, a lot of parents were struggling with the first day of school emotions -- all ages. It is so hard to let them go and watch them grow up seemingly before our eyes...I came home on my coffee break this a.m. and just sat in Daniel's room and cried. Sad tears, thankful tears, angry tears...
I remember when Daniel rode the bus for the first time in sixth grade...I came in the house, read "I'll Love You Forever" and cried for two hours.
Thanks, you guys, for taking the time to read my blog and for the encouraging comments. And thanks, always, for the continuing thoughts and prayers.
love you guys...
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